10 Things I Would Have Done Differently for Hurricane Sandy

I remember when I first heard Sandy's name. I was sitting at work mindlessly poking around Yahoo. There she was, staring at me from the middle of the Atlantic Ocean courtesy of one of those space cameras that I maintain the CIA uses to spy on me, like in Men in Black. They called it a Frankenstorm...whatever the hell that means. I don't know. All I remember was being pissed that it was going to be cold. Bring on the rain, tidal waves, whatever. Just not the cold.

I left work on Friday and never pondered that I wasn't going to be back at work on Monday. At that point, my only Sandy-related concern was that my Hunger Games Halloween costume might need a jacket.

Saturday night I went out (in costume, which was a big hit. Chubby cheeks + brown hair = Katniss). This lead to Sunday, which was largely spent in bed watching terrible Netflix and silently praying for my headache to go away (it didn't). Krista was flying back from Los Angeles, and shortly before she boarded she sent a text demanding that I go buy food and supplies.

This leads me to the first thing I screwed up on.

1) BUY FOOD AND SUPPLIES IN A TIMELY MANNER, AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WILL NEED: I left the apartment at 6pm. Duane Reade (it’s like Walgreens), the grocery store, etc. were all closed. I was still half-wearing my costume from the night before, so the irony of me foraging for food before what became an apocolyptic storm is not lost on me. I ended up finding an Italian restaurant and a small bodega that were still open. 20 minutes later I headed home with 2 bottles of Champagne, 4 plates of baked ziti, some Pirates Booty, and a few Power Bars. Instead I should have gotten 17-18 bottles of champagne, a truck-load of Booty, enough Nyquil to knock me out for 3 days, flashlights and candles, and travel sized versions of every toiletry known to man. Seriously folks, 9 times out of 10 the storm will end up being nothing. But every now and then, it’s as bad as they say and for those times, you must be prepared.

Krista came home, so we polished off the champagne, inhaled the dry food, made a few smart-ass "look at me I'm bored" Facebook posts and headed to bed. Work was cancelled in the morning.

Building management turned on one elevator late the next day, so we were able to get more supplies. Really though, all we managed to get was more alcohol. I’d like to use this opportunity to explain that the constant boozy theme here is not as sad as you might think. Trust me, when you are trapped in your home, forbidden to leave, a good stiff cocktail is a damn life raft.

2) DRINK LESS ALCOHOL: Yea, you are bored. Boredom is the most arguably unbearable part of natural disaster entrapments. One time, I was in Indiana staying with a friend and his family when the whole town was suddenly ordered to their basements for a tornado warning. This traditional, midwestern family had an actual sportsbar in their basement and the night quickly went from polite introductions to a variety of screaming drinking games. Sitcoms figured it out years ago, which is why all of them have at least one "locked-in" episode. People drink when they are trapped. Thing is, you really should watch it. There is nothing worse than being hungover, realizing you have less water than you should, and then being told by the fire dept. that the tap water isn't safe. You know what happens when you’re hungover and still trapped? You will consume so many damn carbs that it will actually change your chemical makeup. Seriously folks, I'm like a swollen sea-creature. I could survive a nuclear winter.

That night we headed down to the third floor of our apartment where the lounge was. The power had just gone off and fifty or so fellow tenants decided to really make a party out of it. The storm was incredibly loud and the water was almost to the streetlights. There were cars floating down the street. I ended up sitting in a hallway with a boy I met inside talking about movies and work and life. About 10 minutes in, the emergency lights went off and we were in total darkness. I can't remember what he looks like and I never gave him my number, but I hope I see him again.

The next morning I woke up to find the power still not on. The water receded, and we could see people outside, assessing the damage. We hiked down 26 flights and headed to our friend Sara's. It was freezing cold. Before the storm, when I was hunting/gathering for food, I was reasonably warm in just a short sleeve shirt. Sandy took with her the last of the muggy warmth leftover from summer. I grabbed two days worth of clothes, and a heavy jacket was not among the things I took.

3) IF YOU LEAVE YOUR HOME, CHECK THE DAMN WEATHER AND PACK ENOUGH FOR A WEEK: Really folks. I've been cold for a week.

The CodEd guy outside my building told me that the power was out in all of lower Manhattan. From 35th street on down. I didn't really realize how remarkable this was until the sun was going down and I witnessed the entire skyline dark. I live near the World Trade Center and Wall Street. All of it was entirely black. We took a cab uptown later that night and I will never forget the part where we crossed into uptown and you could clearly see the line of separation, if you will. We were trying to find a hotel, but everything as far as Philadelphia was booked solid. We even heard that there were two-star dumps in Queens charging $800 a night. Jerks.

4) TELL YOUR LOVED ONES THAT THEY MAY NOT HEAR FROM YOU, TURN OFF YOUR PHONES: We lost our cell phone signals for 48 hours and we were trapped in our building for awhile. Also, when your phone shows "searching..." instead of the usual 3 or 4 bars or signal strength, this means that it is actively looking for a signal, which means your battery will drain in a matter of hours.

You know the weirdest thing about being involved in a big thing that's on the news? You don't get to see it on the news. Seriously. I never got to see the live coverage for the day after reports of the initial damage. Even when I finally wandered uptown 36 hours later and charged my phone, the only things I saw were a few Yahoo pages and some Facebook status updates. By the time I actually saw a TV, it was days later. By then, the news was tailored to people that had already been watching the whole time. They really should have a thing where you can search for initial reports (actually they probably do, I'm just not that good at Google when it doesn't involve stalking people).

5) ITS OKAY TO CRY: This is a big one. My sister actually called me out on this today (Sunday, one week after the storm). She says I've been "weepy" since it happened. Thing is, she didn't say I've been crying. That's because I haven't been. I can't. There's nothing wrong really. There's just about 37 things that are almost wrong. My house is uninhabitable, my office is closed indefinitely, I've been spending my days wandering around trying to find electrical outlets/information/ways to pass the time, and I slept on a couch for 5 nights straight. I was cold, I didn't have enough clothes, and I was constantly under the impression that the power would be turned on "tomorrow," which was a goal post that moved farther and farther away the closer I got to it. Alas, I didn't actually lose anything and alot of people have it much worse than me. I figured disaster victims are people you see on the news, not me. However, what I should have realized was that it is okay to feel a little sad that you can't go home for awhile and lay in your bed with your you-smelling linens and your pictures of your family surrounding you. Allowing yourself to admit that such a predicament sucks ass is 90% of what is preventing you from dealing with it in the first place. So turn up the female alt-rock and have yourself a good cry. You earned it. Then suck it up, figure it out, and help someone next to you figure it out as well.

6) ITS OKAY TO YELL AT PEOPLE: Well, not everyone. But it’s okay to yell at people sometimes. For the most part, New Yorkers were incredibly sympathetic and went out of their way to be kind to us. Those on the north end could tell us wanderers a mile away. We were carrying a lot, huddling around outlets like they were spittin' out Vicodins (sadly, they weren't), and our hair was tied up in tight little buns on top of our heads, a quick-fix for those without hot water or hair products. However, there are two groups of people whom I harbor a particular displeasure with at this time: upper-east-side-lifelong-New-York-old-women, and CodEd workers/building maintenance people. Regarding the women, some of them were absolute hags. Wealthy and not-wealthy, these obnoxiously-accented prunes were just appalled that their usual deli/bodega/coffee shop was more populous than usual. Bitching to eachother and what not...no idea what had just occurred mere miles away. As for ConEd, this just has to do with the lack of communication. I know these things sometimes don't have clear answers, but these guys couldn't even tell me if I was looking at hours or decades. A simple "ma'am we can't tell you until we assess the salt water damage, which could take awhile" would be fine. Instead, I got blank stares and shrugs, as though they didn't even know why they were out there. Perhaps it was for the free hard hats. Meanwhile, our building management has been sending us emails every few days, moving that damn goal post. I'm currently looking at a month.

The other night I met a couple of fascist right-wingers. These guys bitched about Bloomberg for 4 hours because he endorsed Obama, cancelled the marathon that they had apparently spent countless hours of their unhappy marriages training for, and believed in global warming, which was obviously voodoo. They went into a tirade about how the relief effort was dismal, despite the fact that none were affected in the slightest bit. At no point did they even notice the girl with the tell-tale bun sitting right in front of them.

6) APPLY FOR FEMA FUNDS RIGHT AWAY: They make it easy to do. And you can "re-up" as you need to. It's a week later and now the money is going to take a little longer. Living in a hotel is expensive. Also, remember that Romney wanted to CUT FEMA AND THEN HE LIED AND SAID HE DIDN'T. He also invented the very Obamacare he now promises to repeal, but nevermind that. Seriously. I cannot for the life of me figure out why this guy wants to be the President. I digress.

7) BUY ASPIRIN: Walking up 26 flights of stairs, carrying a suitcase down said stairs, sleeping on a couch in an apartment where the smoke detector right above your head beeps and screams "low battery" every 30 seconds on the dot because the power is out, wine headaches, self-loathing aches, etc. It all wears on you. Have pain relievers handy.

8) REMEMBER HOW TO DO YOUR JOB: It’s been a week. I totally forgot. I don't even have an office right now. What I do have are 9 billion emails and no idea what needs to be tackled first.

9) GET THE HELL OUT OF TOWN!!! Seriously. I should have left in the first place.

10) LAUGH: This isn't really one I would do differently, but I would do more of it. Krista and I littered Facebook with narcissistic, cynical status updates about the various white-girl problems we encountered along the way, for no other reason but to laugh. Friends bantered back, shared their good wishes, and offered assistance. I will say, when your signal is down and all you have are the emails and comments that have already loaded, those well wishes are all there is to read. And sitting there in the dark, I read them over and over again, laughing every time. It reminded me that even though I felt a little lost, there were alot of people I knew that were rooting for us. So who was I to succumb to self loathing? This really is an adventure. I will come out the other end appreciating what I have more than ever. I saw more of New York on foot this week then I had for the two years prior. I tried new restaurants, found new bars, and even showered at my boss’s house. I got a pedicure with a foot/calf massage that nearly caused me to pass out from pain because I was so sore from descending 26 flights of stairs. I met a nice boy in a dark hallway.

Thank you all.