Italia - Day 4...Shakedown on the Train

I hate trains. I really do. I don't think a single good thing has ever happened to me on a train. Of course, being that I've chosen to live in a pedestrian nirvana, and that I have a love of traveling Europe, I have come to accept trains as a necessary evil.

But that doesn't mean I have to like them.

This feeling was reaffirmed on Monday morning after we hauled our tired asses to the Termini station at the crack of dawn to catch the train to Chiusi. Last time I was in Italy, I threw no less than 3 full-blown fits at this very station. Today the trend would continue. First, the ticket machine wouldn't accept out credit cards because we were either scanning them the wrong way, or it hates us. I'm convinced it was the latter. With about 10 minutes until the train was to go toot! toot! and leave us stranded and hysterical, we managed to buy tickets from the guy in the window. He had a rough time understanding where we were trying to go since apparently Chuisi is pronounced 'Cue-Zee' and not "Choosy." Yes indeed, it was amateur hour in Rome, and my goofy ass was the star.

I'd just like to say to the guy in the window that sold us the tickets: You are an asswipe. I hope you get stung by a bee right on your eyeball someday.

More on him later.

Anyway, I don't know if you know this, but all of the workers at Termini actually know who I am and when I am coming to town. They get together in the morning and strategize on how best to get me to lose my marbles and then they take bets on how long it will take. I am proud to say that this time, I made it all the way on the train!

With only 5 minutes to go, we sprinted to our train, which was freakishly far away (like, so far it was segregated from the other trains. I assume this was another strategy devised in the aforementioned morning meeting. Bullies). We got to the train just in time for the toothless ticket taker man (he looked like the old man Jafar dressed up as when he fooled Aladdin into fetching the lamp) to mumble something about a stamp but allow me to board nonetheless.

Yeah so get this, once we were on the train and taking off, the toothless bastard starts telling us we have to pay him 50 euros for some kind of fine! Naturally he didn't have the English to explain why, so he drug me to this sign that explained that you have to "validate" your ticket (which means stick it in a machine and get it stamped) and failing to do so is the same as boarding with no ticket. I told him to stuff it and then went back to my seat. I then got on my iPhone and it turns out this is a regular thing. You have to validate your ticket before boarding by sticking it in these little boxes they have near the trash cans. No one told us we needed to do it and it seems like every tourist has had this happen to them at least once. So yeah, we ended up having to pay this tool bag 50 euros or he was going to throw mama from the train (and probably stab me with a crooked sword thing).

This is why the ticket window man deserves a stinger in his iris. All he has to do was say, "Hey, idiot tourist ladies! Stamp your shit!" But nooooo. He was probably the ringmaster behind the conspiracy to get me to flail around (you know I think this is what my Mother is talking about when she has to remind me that the world doesn't revolve around me).

Good thing was it was only 10:30 when we made it to Chiusi. We had plenty of time to get out blood pressure and heart rates back on track.

Next up on the list, Hertz. Yes, ladies and gentlemen...the let us rent a car. As in drive. In Italy. As it turns out, however, roads in Italy are pretty simple. You just sort of follow the signs. You never really know how fast you're going because we are dumbass Americans and don't speak Kilometers. Italians also follow alot more closely than you're used to. So close that my Ma got into the habit of pulling over everytime someone was behind her. She's fallen apart behind the wheel a few times this week actually. (Wait'll I tell you people about Florence).

We drove all the way to Pienza, one of the many towns in Tuscany. Here's the thing about Tuscany...it looks exactly like you think it will. Rolling hills with patchwork land created by the various farms and vineyards. Every few miles, however, you'll see a big stone structure with a wall around it. Some look like castles. In fact, they are walled cities. You go inside to find a maze of stone walkways with restaurants, shops, apartments, etc. People live and work in these structurally contained towns. They are centuries old and look exactly like those cheesy watercolors you see. I remember thinking Venice was so weird looking because of the way it was inward-facing. Turns out it was quite the norm in Italy. Only thing that Pienza, Montechiello, and Montepulciano are missing is the canals.

We checked into a hotel I found a few weeks ago through my friend Nick. Piccolo Hotel. I scored a room with a badass balcony that overlooked those rolling hills, and the outer walls of Montechiello in the distance. It was some postcard shit, I'll tell you that. We took a drive to Montepulciano around 3 where we learned that absolutely nothing is open between 3-5. Nothing. I know Italians take a siesta in the middle of the day, but this was nuts. It was like everybody died. The sound of our own feet clicking on the stone walkways was deafening.

Before long it was time for dinner. We made reservations at Trattoria De La Luna, which specializes in roast young pig. We ordered that, which was good but I though it was slightly salty. I also ordered some pasta with truffles on it. Now I know I make alot of bold and sometimes wildly innappropiate statements, but I promise you will have a hard time finding a gal that likes the flavor of truffles more than me. Its like eating delicious dirt. Magic elves make truffles. I hope I am reincarnated into a truffle pig so I can wander Tuscany, locate truffles and eat them all day.

Yea so anyway the pasta was bomb.

We also had some great wine and met alot of the locals. Dinner is always quite a long process in Italy, and in Tuscany, this is even more true.

I made it back to the hotel in time to put out a few work related fires before crawling into my sweet Tuscany bed. Tomorrow we visit the winery that makes my favorite wine in the world, followed by dinner at the restaurant owned by some friends. It would be here that we would have the greatest tasting dish we have ever had in our entire lives...and that is a bold statement I'm happy to make.